Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
