we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
