I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
