You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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