Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize