Are we in a gay sports bar?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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