beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
