how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
