He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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