Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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