I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
