She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
