Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
