And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He felt like a one man threesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
