I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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