there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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