Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
