I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
50% drunk capacity currently
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
