I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
