totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
