I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
