my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
