He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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