I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
