3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
