Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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