my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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