I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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