piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
