I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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