I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
