What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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