CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
