Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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