You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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