I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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