I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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