I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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