you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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