Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
