I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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