I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
