batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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