i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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