where am i from again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
