I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
