you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
