i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
