You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
