I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
