doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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