went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
