return my video game
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
