I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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