I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You ruined the universe
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
