How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize