You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
