hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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