dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
