Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
