Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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