Can Purell be used as lube?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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